Hey Mama: Comparison is a LIAR

Hey mama,

Have you ever gotten lost in the vicious game of comparison? Maybe you struggle with chronic mom guilt like I do. 

Maybe you yell at your toddler much more than you’d like to admit, only to turn around and cry in the bathroom because you feel like a failure. Maybe you dream of a couple rare and precious hours to yourself, only to agonize over leaving your kids in the first place.

Maybe you never wanted to be a stay at home mom and feel intense guilt over it. Maybe you long for the opportunity to put on real clothes, go to work and have the chance to actually miss your kids.

Or maybe not… maybe you’re a working mom who cries on her way to work every day, wishing you could stay home with your kids.

Maybe you haven’t had a night alone with your husband in three years and you’re starting to feel like roommates with two kids sandwiched between you in the bed.

Maybe you check your phone too much because you’re desperate for an escape from diapers and tantrums. Maybe you spend nap time browsing all the perfectly groomed, put together, vegan, baby wearing, six pack rocking moms in stilettos on Instagram and wonder WTF you’re doing wrong.

Cause here you are in last year’s yoga pants, unshowered, definitely not shaved, last night’s dishes still in the sink, and all your kid will touch is chicken nuggets and strawberries. The only six pack in your house is located in the fridge.

Sound familiar?

Every part of that rings true for me.

And I’m just here to tell you, from one mama to another– comparison is a dirty, filthy liar.

It will eat away at your joy if you let it.
It will steal your peace if you let it.
And it will rob you of time if you let it.

Because those slobbery, unrestrained kisses from your toddler? They have an expiration date.

That sweet coo and adoring gaze from your baby? May someday become dramatic sighs and eye rolls.

Those little toddler hands and feet climbing into your bed every morning at 3am– the ones that kick you in the face, ribs and have you questioning your sanity in deciding to bring subsequent children into the world– will someday demand a heartbreaking amount of space away from you.

You see, what comparison is horribly good at is shifting our focus away from our fleeting, present blessings and replacing them with an unattainable desire for perfection.

Because that mom with gorgeous hair and makeup on instagram? What you don’t see is her silent struggle with a debilitating autoimmune condition. The six pack mom whose kids have never eaten a non-homemade meal? Her marriage is slowly unraveling. The mom with 500,000 followers, the perfect instagram feed and floods of direct messages begging for her insta-worthy secrets? She’s been hospitalized numerous times for severe anxiety and depression.

We ALL have our struggles.
NOBODY is perfect.

So the next time comparison wants to rob you of your present joys in motherhood– the ones you’ll never get back— just ask yourself…

If NOBODY is perfect…
Is comparing yourself to another imperfect human worth it?



  • 27

16 comments on “Hey Mama: Comparison is a LIAR

  1. This is so true. It’s hard not to compare especially in the age of social media. Sometimes I just compare myself with the mom I want to be: one who yells less, is more present, nurturing, and educational. One who enjoys playing pretend and turns off the tv for days or weeks or forever. But, those feelings of self doubt don’t help me be a better mom and while I always strive to be as good as I can be- sometimes I just need to admit that what I give is good enough! Hugs mama- thanks for sharing <3 Jamie

  2. All of these white, clean images from bloggers always make me feel like that. I always feel so much more messy and unkempt! I know that I’m happy and I try to focus on that because it really doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing anyway! I really love reminders like this, it’s so important!

  3. So true ” If NOBODY is perfect…Is comparing yourself to another imperfect human worth it? Agreed that it is definitely not worth it. We should definitely focus on ourselves and stop worrying about what anybody else is doing. What a wonderful world it would be.

  4. What a beautiful a much needed post! I find myself in the battle of comparison too many times. This then leads to mom guilt and things just spiral downward. This is such a great reminder to not fall into that comparison game…thank you!

  5. Definitely agree to not compare with others who are probably having their own personal struggles. Those struggles may be different than our own. So, best to give ourselves and others grace and compassion. We’re all just trying to do the best we can <3 My latest blog post discusses ways we and others sabotage parental confidence and comparison is def a big one. Glad to run across your blog post!

  6. totally sharing this. It’s so true! I compare myself all the time. I constantly wonder what I’m doing wrong. Like, so many other moms are showered and have makeup on and look amazing and have beautiful, well dressed kids and I’m over here struggling to keep my son from ripping off his pants. But I know you’re right. No one is perfect.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.